I love to think about what I am thinking about…………
Yeah, I know it sounds weird. Using critical thought to process our thoughts can help us to find awareness. We are deeply conditioned into how we are in the world and the way to enact change is through awareness of “how” we are.
Due to our conditioning, we are often seeking comfort in the external world. We are dependant on the external world from the moment we enter into it. As we grow we begin to explore what the world has to offer us.
As we grow we are told when to eat, sleep, play, and maybe for some even when to use the toilet. Most of us were not raised to listen to ourselves and our own bodies. Parents tell us what to think, what to believe and how to be. This is not wrong, we need guidance to teach us what the world is, AND there is a down side to this. We are looking to the outside world for guidance about ourselves.
I often wonder what would the world look like if parents taught their children to go inside and explore what their internal world is like. If you ask a child a question, often the child already knows what they need, they just may not know how to get it. Children are creative, curious, compassionate, accepting, and courageous by nature.
Often I work with people who want me to tell them what to do. They literally ask me, “Well what should I do?”, “How can I fix it?”, “What do you suggest?”. All of these statements are reflections of a conditioning we all have. I call it “the externalization of wellbeing”.
Many people behave like someone or something outside of themselves knows the answer. I believe there is nothing outside of us that can know the “answer” for you. People outside of you can only guide, suggest, and offer insight through feedback. What others can not do is choose for you, or create a change for you. This must come from within.
Have you ever had the thought, “if I just do this, then I’ll feel better”, or “If this thing happens, then I’ll be happy”. Also this one, “in the future, when I’m doing blank, then everything will be okay”.
These are all examples of thoughts that externalize our wellbeing – when this or that happens or if I can achieve this thing, I will be okay or perhaps even happy. There are many times in our lives where the opportunity to feel better comes from outside of us, or so we think. This belief often holds us back from achieving the happiness we are longing for and desire.
I think these thoughts beg the question; how do I start to internalize my wellbeing? How do I go within to create wellbeing or even happiness?
Get quiet and ask
As you have heard me say a 1000 times, Your Wisdom has the answers – if we go within and ask our Wisdom for guidance on caring for ourselves, the answers will come.
I ask everyone when we first meet, “Do you believe you are wise?” the majority of people I ask answer “yes”. I then ask, “are you in a relationship with your wisdom”? Most people answer “no”.
I believe that your wisdom is talking to you every moment of every day. The thing is you may not listening, nor heading the advice of our own internal guidance. I hear my wisdom everyday, she tells me to get on the treadmill, I usually answer, “that’s a good idea, I’ll do it later” or “maybe you could do your notes?’, I answer “sure in 5 minutes”……..just like when I was a kid.
Most of us can identify times in our lives where we could hear our own internal guidance, however the answer scared us, or we didn’t feel motivated to follow through with what we already knew. This is all that needs to happen. Listen then do.
Your Wisdom is brilliant – this part of you has so much to offer, and when we listen, we can get answers that we would not otherwise be able to find. Wisdom is specific to us and our situation and can offer so much value to our well-being.
This doesn’t mean that you don’t go to others to explore what they have to offer. That is also a process that is helpful to us.
Be clear about your feelings
What is it that we are seeking from external sources?
Do you need validation? Everyone does, however when you are seeking out someone else to validate your internal experience, you are then at the mercy of what they say vs defining yourself based on how you feel and think. When we struggle to validate ourselves, we will seek out someone else to do it for us.
Are you unclear about something? All of us have moments of uncertainty (check out the last year and still going). Having others to bounce off of is a gift and a privilege. Being dependant on others keeps us in the loop of not hearing ourselves. I like to take into account what someone has to offer AND I wait until I feel clear inside being making a move.
When we can get clear about what we want to feel and are specific about what we are searching for, we can start to create a lifestyle that will promote well-being. Our well-being is stimulated when we can live within our windows of tolerance; this means getting clear about our sensations and feelings.
A question I my ask Wisdom is, who do I want to be in this situation?
What brings me joy?
I hear people say, “when I start feeling happy, then I can do the things I want to.”
However, there is the opportunity to look at this from a different perspective. Feelings are sensations, and sensations are activated by what we are doing and experiencing. When we begin to DO things that a happier version of ourselves would be doing, we allow our bodies to be activated into the feeling we want to feel.
Sing your favourite song, notice what you feel. DO the thing or be the thing that you believe will bring you happiness. Then notice what you feel.
The externalization of wellbeing happens when we expect someone or something else to take care of us or create a feeling within us that makes us feel better. This process sucks our energy away and prevents us from actually caring for ourselves and doing what’s best for us. When we stop asking others to affirm who we are and what we want, we can create a sense of peace. We need to have a clear and realistic goal on how we want to feel, then engage in a behaviour that will bring us closer to our own internal sense of wellbeing.