Staying With The Wrong Guy

Many girls are confused about why their relationship is causing them pain. There are also lots of us watching our friends stay in a relationship we can clearly see is hurting them. It's a tragic thing to witness, the beautiful dream of love that we all seek turning out to be something that drains and hurts us. It seems to be something that most of us can't see. We'll sit there and endure pain for amazing lengths of time without it ever occurring to us that maybe what we have isn't love. Or it isn't a healthy one anyway

A true, healthy love should feel good and should have a positive effect on our life. That is what we're looking for when we talk about wanting love, and what we have a right to expect.

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Why don't we all have it? Well there are lots of things that can get in the way of us finding that kind of love. Such as wanting it too badly and rushing into wrong relationships, unhealthy needs we have and low self-esteem. The longer we wait for love and the more often we've been hurt, the lower our standards often get and we start to think, this is all love is. We then accept far less than we should. Or we think, this is the best I can get.

Getting in these wrong relationships is easy to understand, it's the staying in them that has us puzzled. Why do we stay in relationships with "wrong love"?

I think it normally boils down to two possibilities

We want love so badly that when we've found someone we feel that we love or who has at one point treated us some way no one else has, we think we've hit gold and stop there. The longer it's taken to find that person, the harder we hang on to it because we don't want to have to wait for someone else better. What if there is no one better and I waste all that time along for nothing? we may think.

The other possibility is that we have some idea in our head of what this guy can be. He's been that way before or he shows "signs" that he can be this thing we want. We think we're going to mold him into that ideal or we're going to save him from his bad boy state and turn him into a real prize. Unfortunately, it doesn't work that way. We can't change a man. He can change himself and we can be a motivator, but getting up with a guy with the expectation that he's going to change isn't fair to him or us.

What can we do to avoid this "wrong love"?

- We should follow our instincts. Pretty words and beautiful ideals can be confusing, but where there is something unhealthy, there will also be pain, confusion and hurt. If you find yourself feeling like badly about yourself, you're inexplicably depressed or your life has taken a turn for the worse, consider the idea that your guy may not be good for you, no matter what good things he promises.

- Consider why you love this guy. Do you have a list of real, present day things that you love about him? If a large portion, or the most important, of your draws to him involve the future, or possibilities, keep looking. You're going to date, spend time with, give your heart to and eventually live with this guy the way he is now. If you don't love that person, don't invest in his future. It might not ever come. You certainly can't make it and while you're trying, you're going to cause a lot of hard feelings between you.

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Posted in Mental Health Post Date 11/01/2022


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